There is an art to writing an effective parenting plan for separated or divorced parents, with many details to be considered. In fact, one could write an entire book on this topic. There are many details to consider, and every family has unique aspects to their lives that need to be taken into consideration when devising the plan that works for them. There are a few considerations, however, that seem to apply across the board, and that will make your plan more effective if you are aware of them as you develop your plan. The following three are ones that seem to be “top of the list” of things to consider:
1 – Maximize both parents’ available time to be with the children. In other words, refrain from asking for parenting time when you are not available to spend that time with your children. All this will do is add to your tasks because you must find alternate care for your children, and will frustrate your children, who were planning on spending this time with you, not a friend, relative or neighbor of yours.
2 – Work together, taking your children’s needs and activities into consideration when writing your plan. If you have several children with competing activities, and perhaps they have to be across town for different activities at the same time, you are not going to be able to manage this by yourself. In the best interest of your children, develop a cooperative and effective co-parenting relationship in which to manage the many commitments and responsibilities that your children have. If you have the attitude that it is “your parenting time and you can figure it out on your own”, you can expect to get the same in return when the time comes that you need help managing schedules.
3 – Be flexible. If the situation calls for you to give up some of your parenting time in order to meet everyone’s needs, be willing to do so. And be willing to do so without keeping track of every single hour that your children spend with the other parent. The idea is to manage your lives in a way that makes sense for everyone rather than sticking strictly to your identified parenting time plan. Your parenting plan should be a road map that you can deviate from when the circumstances call for it, knowing there are other routes to take and more than one good way to get from point A to point B. It becomes cumbersome to try to keep track of every time you missed an hour or two, or an evening, with your child. Your children won’t remember the time lost with you or spent with the other parent, but they will remember that you were flexible with one another and worked together, in their best interest.
Taking a few simple considerations into mind when developing your parenting time plan can make all the difference in the world. Most importantly, remember to keep the needs of your children first and foremost in your mind. You cannot go wrong when you make them the force that guides your actions.
~Dr. Marlene
